My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
