please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
