Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
