This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
