I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
