is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
