I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
