his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You are a genius and a whore.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
