Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
