Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
