I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
