Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize