I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
