I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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