the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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