What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My penis needs a shock collar
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize