No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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