You're so nebulous sometimes
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
