I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
