bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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