Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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