Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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