We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Blood and glitter go together right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
