Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hippo gnu deer
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
