You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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