We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I touched a dick in church today
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
