1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
