Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
