As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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