how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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