i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
