Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
