You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
