Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
