my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
