Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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