Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
