Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
