Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize