And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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