I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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