I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
