It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
