What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
