You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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