So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
