Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
