apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My penis needs a shock collar
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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