i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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