the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
