I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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