You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
