I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
