he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I believe in your delicious
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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