The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
