brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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