Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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