Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
