My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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