Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
