I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
