do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i think my cat just said my name.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
