Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
