I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The uberlube is also flammable
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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