We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
